MMA Fighter Ray Elbe Fractures His Manhood During Intercourse With Girlfriend

by: Esteban at TotalProSports.com:

I think most of us would assume that a professional MMA fighter’s greatest risk for injury lies inside the octagon. After all, we’ve certainly seen our fair share of gruesome MMA injuries over the years.

However, “Rage in the Cage” fighter Ray Elbe recently suffered a horrifying injury in the last place he probably ever expected–the bedroom. You see, the guy was having sex with his girlfriend back on December 3 when he FRACTURED HIS PENIS!!!

Sorry for going all caps there, but I thought that phrase deserved special emphasis.

In any case, yes, you can do that. Here’s how Elbe described it:

“I ended up fracturing my penis bone … I tore the urinary tract, tore some membrane — as it happened you can imagine the shock and the horror that was going on,” Elbe said in a video posted to his website on Sunday. “I jumped up from the intimate moment, blood shooting out of my groin. I immediately tried to run to the shower, felt myself losing consciousness, tried to walk back to the bed at which point I collapsed, knocking myself out. I gave myself 10 stitches and fractured a couple teeth.”

So if you think you’re having a bad day, just remember it could be much worse. You could have blood shooting out of your groin.

And for those still wondering what the woman responsible for this disaster looks like:



Fortunately, the docs say Elbe will make a full recovery from his traumatic penis injury. Still, this is not something you ever want to happen. So maybe we should all take the advice of Tenacious D, okay? (Warning: clicking that link will take you to a NSFW YouTube video.)

Squeezing breasts could prevent cancer, best study ever says

Yay! There is a gawd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Boobie-squeezing for the good of mankind!!!!!!!!!

As seen on MSN:

Getting to second base, the holy grail for hormonal boys, is now science: New research has shown that squeezing breasts could prevent malignant breast cells from causing cancer. This doesn’t give pervy dudes license to grope you on the subway, ladies, but it does mean boob-grabbing should be a regular part of your self-care routine (yes, absolutely try it DIY-style). Experiments found that physical pressure led cells back to normal growth patterns, and that even after compression was no longer applied, the malignant cells stopped growing. Spread the word, boob-lovers of the world.

And now from the serious source:

Squeezing breasts 'can stop cancer'

Scientists found that applying physical pressure to malignant breast cells guided them back to a normal growth pattern

A little squeeze may be all that it takes to prevent malignant breast cells triggering cancer, research has shown.

Laboratory experiments showed that applying physical pressure to the cells guided them back to a normal growth pattern.

Scientists do not envisage fighting breast cancer with a new range of compression bras, but they believe the research provides clues that could lead to new treatments.

"People have known for centuries that physical force can influence our bodies," said Gautham Venugopalan, a leading member of the research team at the University of California in Berkeley, United States.

"When we lift weights our muscles get bigger. The force of gravity is essential to keeping our bones strong. Here we show that physical force can play a role in the growth - and reversion - of cancer cells."

The study involved growing malignant breast epithelial cells within a gel injected into flexible silicone chambers. This allowed the scientists to apply compression during the first stages of cell growth, effectively squashing the cells.

Over time, the squeezed malignant cells began to grow in a more normal and organised way.

Once the breast tissue structure was formed the cells stopped growing, even when the compressive force was removed. Non-compressed cells continued to display the haphazard and uncontrolled growth that leads to cancer.

"Malignant cells have not completely forgotten how to be healthy; they just need the right cues to guide them back to a healthy growth pattern," said Mr Venugopalan, a doctoral student.

The results were presented at the annual meeting of the American Society for Cell Biology in San Francisco.

Krampus!

Did you know there is an anti-Santa? Krampus! He will beat you down son!

And your sister too!

He is coming for your wife!

She might like it!

This is an amazing piece of pop-culture art. I hope whoever received the package and opened it was a true Indiana Jones fan. This story is transplanting me into that story nicely, but for the receiver to have his hand on that journal and actually be inside the legend for a moment is awesome.

http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20121217/12374321409/mysterious-indiana-jones-journal-arrived-uchicago-after-usps-tried-to-be-helpful-with-lost-package.shtml

Mysterious Indiana Jones Journal Arrived At UChicago After USPS Tried To Be Helpful With Lost Package

from the the-world-we-live-in dept

Last week, the University of Chicago got some attention for posting to its admissions Tumblr page a story about how a package addressed to one "Henry Walton Jones Jr." had appeared in the mail. It apparently took them a little while to realize (a) that this was the "real name" of Indiana Jones in the famous movie series, and (b) that the package was an amazing replica of the journal Jones uses in the first of the movies, Raiders of the Lost Ark.

  Everyone started to speculate what the deal was, with the UChicago folks wondering if it was an elaborate and creative attempt at getting admitted.

If you're an applicant and sent this to us: Why? How? Did you make it? Why so awesome? If you're a member of the University community and this belongs to you or you've gotten one like it before, PLEASE tell us how you acquired it, and whether or not yours came with a description — or if we're making a big deal out of the fact that you accidentally slipped a gift for a friend in to the inter-university mail system. If you are an Indiana Jones enthusiast and have any idea who may have sent this to us or who made it, let us know that, too.

I love that "why so awesome" question slipped in there... There was also speculation that it might be part of a viral marketing campaign or alternative reality game. But, in the end, the answer was really quite mundane. This was really about... the US Postal Service being helpful(or trying to be). There's a guy named Paul Charfauros, who makes such replicas and sells themon eBay. He told the University of Chicago that the USPS had contacted him recently to inform him that it had lost one of his packages, as it had slipped out of an envelope.

"Somewhere between Guam and Italy the replica fell out of its original external package and was lost in Honolulu, Hawaii," Garrett Brinker, director of undergraduate outreach for the university, said in an interview with Wired. "Then for some reason, with fake postage, no tracking, not even a zip code — it looks like the Postal Service had to manually write in a zip code on the package — somehow without all of that the package landed in our laps in Chicago, Illinois."

Basically, the package above was in another envelope address to the real buyer -- but when the inner package slipped out, the USPS assumed that it was an accurate package, and shipped it on to the address at the University, even without the postage (and, apparently, they didn't even ask for the proper postage from the recipient, which is a little odd). Either way, the seller has agreed to let the University keep the copy in exchange for some UChicago swag. And, back at the University "multiple departments" are now fighting over the journal. Perhaps they should consider buying a few more from Charfauros...

A Touching Story of Love and Marriage

As a very old man lay dying in his bed on death's doorstep, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table, were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. An aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. 'Stay out of those,' she said, 'they're for the funeral.'

2012 Year in Review: Gangnam Style